Thursday, September 23, 2010
Separation Anxiety?
So we've had Autumn since the 19th. She does not smile, does not laugh, and feeding her is pure torture, for her and me. It takes two of us to hold her down to get it in. Last night, she took about 1/2 ounce from her bottle and then it was like she realized what she was doing and refused the rest. We got it in her with a syringe though. She opens her mouth and takes it. Swallows, then screams. I just don't understand. Same with food. Shiyan thinks that she is depressed and it is a trust issue, ie she does not trust us yet. Shiyan thinks a little more TLC is all she needs. I cuddle her as much as I can, and so does Mike. We are using the strap on baby carrier (thank you so much Debbie Crain for this!!!) She likes it. Anytime we are holding her close, she seems content. She does not smile. She does not laugh. This transition I know is hard, but how long will it take her? Otherwise today, a little bit of a cough, no temp. This is very hard. In a lot of ways, I feel like I am a failure to her. She really is so precious, I just wish I knew how to make this all better for her.
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Andrea...you are NOT a failure. You are a wonderful mother and Mike is a wonderful daddy. I talked to some friends of ours that adopted and they went through the same thing. Hang in there everything will be okay....this too shall pass. Just as Chris said....relax and try not to worry too much (easier said than done, I know). She will come around. Praying for all of you and I know God will see you through. Love to you.
ReplyDeleteI guess for once I am the laid back one and not strung tighter than a cheap violin! I know she was dehydrated but hopefully that has passed for the most part. I am the tough love one and Andrea the coddler. Don't get me wrong, I talk to her nicely and keep kissing her which infuriates her at times but tough love! Afterall, she is in Stalag Sheron and the commadant is in, that is me! I tried to get her to eat some smushy carrots with egg but she had to be forced a bit. She will come around I am sure. Poor Andrea is about to cry at times I feel wishing she would laugh and be very receptive to us but I understand she is with total strangers now and needs to be reassured we are her new parents for the long haul.
ReplyDeleteYep, sounds like parenthood to me! LOL! I have lost count of the #of times I have felt like a failure! You are a GREAT MOM AND DAD! Look where you are and what you are doing...GREAT, GREAT, GREAT!! It's just that w/ being a parent it is often times months or years before we get to see the fruits of our efforts. And much of the time leading up to the "proof" can be clouded w/ feelings of inadequacy...that's just parenthood. :)
ReplyDeleteThere literally could be a million reasons for her refusal and discomfort surrounding foods, all normal. Now, of course any time food/feeding comes up for me, my mind always goes to food allergies/intolerances because that is my "normal" and I spend a ton of time on mommy/baby boards reading/discussing signs/symptoms. But for Autumn there are so many possible causes. You are all in unfamiliar territory, and to top it off in a hotel...the most stressful place I think I have ever been w/ an infant/toddler. It increases stress levels in everyone exponentially. And other posters are correct...Autumn most definitely feels your stress and anxiety, and reacts to it...then you become more stressed and react to her stress. It becomes a cycle. There is also probably a physical tension in your body while feeding her b/c of what you are anticipating...this happened w/ us as an infant b/c I was scared too death that Em would choke...so I was completely tense holding him for his feedings...the ped pointed this out to me...I relaxed...and the feedings became easier w/ far fewer choking episodes.
If Autumn is sick, which if she threw up on the way over, had a fever,swollen lymph nodes, etc., she probably is, it could be a couple of weeks before she is back to her baseline. She could even be teething,which for any baby causes discomfort, but it may be even more painful for Autumn w/ the cleft palate. Could also just be her tummy being upset by the change in foods, or upset from the antibiotics at this point. Could be effects from the vaccinations. Could be change in bottle nipples (she may be having trouble w/ the new or really missing the comforts of the old). She probably does have some separation anxiety mixed in as well,but since she is content when you are cuddling her, my guess is it may be moreso something else. Could be any one of MANY totally normal things or a combo of them. I think with the feeding, I would concentrate on keeping her hydrated above all else. Maybe w/some plain water and w/ any solids given skip prunes, apple juice, etc. while you are trying to keep hydrated. If you have the mesh things w/ you, maybe try an ice cube in that for her to gnaw on (will feel esp. good if she is teething). Or freeze a hunk of yogurt or a banana if you have a fridge/freezer. She may be happier self feeding/chewing on something. When she has a small success w/ taking in food/drink, even if it is only a drop of water, praise her like crazy for doing a good job. Make a big happy deal about it. :) And then move on, and offer something again later.
This is a site I referenced for help w/ feeding - wholesomebabyfood.com. Has ideas for picky eaters or refusals to eat. Some of E's fav's were mashed avocado (great healthy fats!) and sweet potatoes.
ReplyDeleteThe not smiling/laughing I wouldn't worry about too much right now, especially if she is teething. I don't recall any pics from the orphanage where she was smiling either...she may just be taking things in, and sadly maybe she just doesn't have much experience w/ it yet. One day a light switch will go off and you'll get to see smiles, smiles, and more smiles. It is so hard not to expect instant results, but one thing having a child has taught me is to slow down (my brain and all of its expectations) and go w/ the flow. Hang in there!!! Things WILL get better!!
Oh, and finally, you may also want to put a post out to other cleft palate mommies on Babycenter. Here's the link - http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a56125/cleft_lipcleft_palate
I know I have gotten more support and good info/techniques from mommies on my food allergy boards who have been there and done that than I can even tell you.
Andrea, I hate so much what you are going through. I think in the big scheme of things 5 days has not been that long (even though it probably feels like a lifetime) and considering that her little world has been totally turned upside-down she just needs a little more time to adjust. As an adult I would even have a hard time adjusting to new faces, food, home (hotel), etc. I know how stressed you are...I used to stress about Benjamin not eating, and I know that my stress would in turn make him fussy which made me tense..it can be a tricky cycle. I agree with playing up any success, no matter how small, sing, dance, be silly any time she drinks or eats. Try to be patient with yourself and don't think of yourself as a failure...you are far from it and she will come around. You are an AWESOME, AMAZING mother and Autumn is one very lucky little girl.
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